Somehow we managed to race through 2024, and before we know it, a new year has arrived! I’ve had a lot of conversations recently with folks who are generally underwhelmed by the New Year and its horn-tooting, confetti throwing, music blasting, champagne-drinking glory. Between the expectations placed on having a blow out party on New Years Eve (I was in bed by 10:30pm), to the burdensome weight we place on setting resolutions for the incoming year (blah), the whole transition into January feels not-so-full of hope. I get it.
So this year, when December 31 arrived, I decided to make the holiday and all its expectations work for me. I, too, have a bad taste in my mouth about the process of setting black and white resolutions- resolutions which, ultimately, will be over and done by January 5, when I observe myself falling just a little bit short and ditch them altogether. I think to me, that’s the worst part of the resolution hype- that we expect ourselves to pursue a goal in absolute perfection, leaving no room to stray from absolute success, and that rigidity just doesn’t work for me.
I am a dynamic person. My moods change and shift multiple times within a day. I’m not always as productive as I’d like to be. Sometimes I am anxious and intense; other days I take life in stride. I can be ambitious and full of energy; later than day, I can feel sluggish and indifferent. I’m not stagnant and rigid, so why should my resolutions be?
And so, in a long conversation with a fellow therapist, the concept of “commitments” was born. I decided that rather than making a formal resolution to lose weight, or to eat better, or to save money, or whatever….. I would make a commitment. To myself. To my family. To the people I love.
Commitment is defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary as “an agreement or pledge to do something in the future”. And that’s what I am seeking for myself- a commitment to my wife and daughter, a commitment to the people around me….a commitment to myself. To make some changes, to be a more loving, more present, more effective human. Commitments are flexible- there can be varied degrees of change achieved. The outcome can ebb and flow, bend and flex. And I think the terminology, in and of itself, reminds me what this is all about. It’s about improving myself for the people I love. I’m not in this process of change alone- my friends, family, colleagues, and others in the community are cheering alongside me.
When I start to lose sight of what I want for myself, or the commitments begin to feel rather burdensome, I’ll remember the agreement or pledge I’m making to the people I love, and this will allow me to recenter. These commitments aren’t just about me, after all- they’re about making me a more valuable, more effective, more loving member of the community. Resolutions always felt pretty isolated… and commitments feel community centered! I like it.
This concept may not resonate for everyone, just as no one therapist can be a therapist for all people. I get that! But I’m leaving it here, just in case it does. Happy New Year to you. Let’s commit to making it one to remember!
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