Healing Doesn't Happen in a Vacuum

I’ve been doing some reflective introspection lately, about who I am as a counselor. 

It seems like there should be a simple answer to that question, and that one likely would assume I had my identity pegged before I even started seeing clients. 

Sadly, that’s just not true.  As it turns out, my graduate school spent little time on professional identity, and what little time is dedicated to the topic is spent regurgitating barely-applicable information from some miserable text book.  When it comes to real life counselor identity- what are the values you stand upon, as a counselor?- we are given little preparation.

I’ve always known the basic values that drive my practice- things like upholding confidentiality, the value of honest and transparent billing practices, and showing up on time and with consistency.  And my work early in my career supporting survivors of sexual trauma meant that I prioritized trauma-informed care, client-centered work, and held a strong belief in social justice, equality, and the importance of supporting the most vulnerable and marginalized populations. 

But when I really think about the incredible therapeutic work that clients muscle their way through, week after week, the thing that drives my work… and the thing that makes healing really work…. is the development of safe, trusting, relationships.  Healing doesn’t happen in a vacuum, after all.  Other people are part of the equation.  The act of healing happens most completely, with the greatest finality, within the confines of a truly safe and trusting connection with another human or humans.  Because trauma is most often committed within relationships, the development of new connections with safety at the forefront creates an opportunity to utilize the new relationship as a model for other relationships.

Sounds simple, right? 

Nay.  Relationships are complex and dynamic.  Trust is hard, particularly when you’ve been wounded.  Trauma lingers and memories of being injured influence the decisions we make in the now.  The process of evaluating the costs and benefits of engaging in trusting relationships can be daunting (and this is just the tiniest of dipping my toe into the “trust pool”- this could easily be another series of blog posts, should I find myself feeling ambitious!) 

For now, I’ll leave it at this:  If you’ve experienced trauma, betrayal, or just plain hurt… there is value to involving other individuals or the community in your healing process.  Enlisting the help of a licensed therapist can be incredibly useful, as this person is trained to create healthy connections, with respect to aspects such as boundary-setting, autonomy, respect, and communication.  A therapist will hold the space for you to share your experiences, will respect your preferences regarding the speed at which you process or the details that you choose to share, and will meet you with mutual respect, unconditional positive regard, and just enough challenging to help you make necessary changes.

Just as healing does not happen in a vacuum, please keep in mind that healing is also not linear.  Three steps ahead and four baby steps backward is the name of the game, but over time all those steps forward accumulate.  You’re worth the effort!