Intentional Intentions

The older I get, the faster New Years Eve rolls around every year.  For me, there’s a significant amount of guilt surrounding NYE, because I always feel the societal pressure to set resolutions, but I struggle to find the ambition and the focus to do so.  A friend recently teased me when I stated that “I feel the need to be intentional about setting intentions”, but in the midst of the cheers, champagne glasses, confetti, and streaming the year’s annual NYE performances, I rarely have the presence to think critically. 

In my mid-twenties, I was a mess of depression and general quarter-life chaos, and I wrangled with the task of setting resolutions.  I just rarely jived with them.  I’d hang on for a week- maybe two- and then I’d shame spiral for so irresponsibly falling away from my commitments.

In my thirties, I decided to stray from my typical vision-board creation and resolution-setting.  It was a ritual created with the intention of feeling warm, cozy, and like I was setting the stage for success; rather, the process felt stale, ineffective, and forced.  I always envisioned myself sitting by the fireplace, in sweatpants, surrounded by magazines, cutting and pasting and walking away feeling inspired.  It never went that way.  I’d end up grouchy, disappointed, and filled with self-doubt.

Today, in my forties, I am- yet again- revamping my strategy.  I haven’t landed on the perfect process to center my mind before embarking on 2026.  This year was a battle- I sat down numerous times with the intention of mindfully embracing what lies ahead, and I struggled.  But words are my jam… and so, I decided that perhaps that was my best option.  To lean on the marvelous vocabulary that 4 years and three undergraduate semesters of Latin courses blessed me with. 

Four words that I aim to utilize as the guide against which I base all decisions.  Four words toward values clarification, and answering difficult questions, and as a start when I am baffled with my options. 

Candor.  Profundity.  Steadfast.  Curiosity.

I intend to be honest in all interactions- and with myself- even when honesty is not the easiest road.  Even when the other person doesn’t necessarily want the honesty.  Even when the truth hurts, or is ugly.  As my favorite late poet, Andrea Gibson, stated, “Even when the truth isn’t hopeful, the telling of it is.”

Profundity is a fun word!  And what it references is approaching dialogue and interactions with a certain level of depth.  To really think.  To explore.  To probe into the issues; to question the seemingly obvious.  This is particularly important in my work as a therapist- to go beneath the surface.  To dive.  Profundity.

I wish to be steadfast in all that I do.  Loyal in my friendships, unwavering in my values, steadfast in my beliefs and what makes me tick. 

And curiosity.  Hand in hand with profundity, I want to explore.  When I think I understand, to go a step deeper.  People are rarely simple; life is dynamic and complex.  And to meet others with an unwavering assumption of goodness and well intent.

So.  I’ve put into the world my intentions.  I’m officially held accountable.  Be easy on me, universe.  😊