Diving Into Dialectics

One of my favorite concepts- and quite honestly, a resource that I utilize daily- is that of dialectics.  There are varying definitions of “dialectics” based on the discipline from which you are practicing, but in my case, I am referring to dialectics as present in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT.  Developed in the late 1980s by American psychologist Marsha Linehan, DBT defines “dialectics” as a synthesis or integration of opposites.  But let’s not make things more difficult than they need to be- all this means is that two conflicting truths can simultaneously be held true. 

The modality of DBT is based overall on one main dialectic:  acceptance and change, and those practicing DBT are perpetually in pursuit of the balance of the two.  Can I accept myself as I am- all parts of myself- and strive for change simultaneously? 

Another example of a dialectic that’s present in the use of DBT is that of “Wise Mind”.  The DBT skill “Wise Mind” is based on the idea that we operate and make decisions from a place of either Logical Mind or Emotional Mind… and if you ponder these states of mind on a spectrum, the concept of “Wise Mind” falls somewhere between the two, and incorporates valuable elements from each. 

One major point to know about dialectics is that they incorporate use of the word AND, not the word BUT.  AND signifies that both facts or states of being exist and are mutually true, whereas BUT would cancel out the prior truth. (Have you ever witnessed someone saying, "I love you BUT..."? Doesn't make you feel very secure, does it?)

I personally love to talk about and consider dialectics because they leave such a margin for imperfection or for strengths and weaknesses to level one another out.  Some of my favorite dialectics are:

·         Life is beautiful AND life is painful.

·         Black and white thinking à living in the gray!

·         I have come a tremendously long way AND I still have lots of room for growth.

·         My daughter is the love of my life AND being poked and prodded at 5am makes me bonkers.

·         I didn’t show up today as I would like to have AND tomorrow is a new opportunity.

·         I feel out of control of major current events in our community AND I can focus on establishing areas of micro-change.

Try to incorporate the use of dialectics today and see how they influence your perspective!  I generally utilize my own use of the word “but” as a red flag word that alerts me that I’m not living in the gray to the extent that I’d like to. Life circumstances are dynamic and ever-changing and complex- they're so much more than black and white thinking allows for!  This simple shift in perspective can be life changing.